Something is changing in my world. I can’t pin it and I am not sure I can speak it with any kind of eloquence. It’s the kind of change where you know your life direction is rearranging, but you are not quite sure where you’re headed. It doesn’t feel bad and it doesn’t feel good, at least not right now. It’s like a fork in the road. Most people think of a fork in the road as two choices. This fork for me has not suggested this way or that way. It has not yet shown it’s face. At least not one that I can see. I am happy to be in the place of just allowing it to happen. That wasn’t always the case. I used to hate standing in the unknown. I wanted to know and see where I was going. I wanted there to be large neon signs, maybe pink or yellow signs saying go this way. But I’ve learned, rarely does change show up that way. Mostly, it is not the case.
I have been a creative being all of my life. A musician, a writer, an actress, a teacher. I love creating. I love writing a song. I love learning as much as I can about creativity. It is a hunger and thirst to get better at my craft, no matter how old I am. So I keep following my joy (s) and sometimes my bills barely get paid each month. And when my logical mind gets in the way and starts comparing my life choices with those who took a a more conventional route, I think I must be crazy or something. My creativity is like a drub habit for me and I can’t imagine putting it down…. and I won’t.
I had a dream of how I thought my life would look by certain point. That dream has not come about and I can tell you hundreds of stories of folks who didn’t have a dream, but accidentally fell into a passion and the joy flowed into their lives along with financial and worldly success. Um? There must be a lesson in there for me.
Perhaps I take myself too seriously. Perhaps I’ve overestimated my talent. Lots of folks are talented. Some more than others. I’ve known what my passion was from a young girl. Creativity in most any form. Perhaps I have held it too tightly in my hand and insisted it should look different than what it does.
I find inspiration all around me everyday, all the time. But inspiration is just inspiration. It does not promise worldly success. It is just….inspiration.
Life is definitely a school of hard knocks, but I suppose it can look that way depending on whose looking, on which day, and at which point in their life, I fluctuate between hard knocks and I’m so lucky to be an artist. Mostly I live in the school of “I’m so lucky to be an artist.” But on a day such as today, my mind is living in coulda, woulda, shoulda. I know this thinking will pass and something new is waiting to birth. A new energy, a new way to look at things, and maybe a new song or book. Who knows…. and I’ll just be with it as it simmers, then begins to boil, and then transforms.
Be present. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Don’t fight the flow. ALLOW!
In the midst of it all, I love this life! Ha! I do.
Got a something simmering? Hit me back!